Order

I like to have things in order in my life, I don't like surprises. I like to know what is going to happen and that is why I always ask "what" questions because I need to know. I understand that people that I ask, "What's going on?" don't know themselves, but still just know that I need to have order in that way. I don't like being late for things or having things changed on me last minute. Some may say that I need to get over that and sometimes things happen that change other things, but I can't do it. I hate when that happens. I just needed for that to be said, because that happens a lot and I just can't take it. I guess that is what I get for not being completely independent and still have to depend on others for things. I am trying to work on it, I really am.

Registration

The time has finally come to register for classes at Harper. I am kind of excited, and by kind of I mean happy, overwhelmed, and nervous. I finally picked the classes that I want to take and some extras just in case. I have a registration appointment tomorrow at 2:30pm, I hope it goes swimmingly because I don't really want to take the placement tests again. They didn't mention anything to me about it, but the lady said that I may have to take one of them again. I guess we will see tomorrow. There is still a lot that has to be done, like buying supplies and books, paying for the classes, and then actually attending them. I think everything will be OK.

Good Luck to me!

Why?

Why is it that when you think you are doing good for a few days and are feeling happy, some random thing that you don't even notice puts you in a bad mood?

I don't know if it is my medicine not working, or what. I don't want to have to change medicines again. I have changed so many times.

I just don't know. I don't know what to do or who to talk to about it. Maybe a doctor, but I don't have insurance yet. Maybe by joining clubs and social events that will help me get out of this lonely feeling?

I have joined a GLBT group and also a Crocheting group. Two things that are important in my life, I just hope that I can get to the meetings. I am hoping to make friends that I can hang out with outside of the groups. Only god knows how bad I need friends. I don't have any other than the family I have here.

I don't know if I can wait until school starts to make friends. I am hoping to make some with these new groups

I just have no clue, and I hate feeling this way, even with my medicine.

Man, I just don't know what to do!!!!

Done Chasing

I have come to the realization that I am here for everyone's disposal, I am always available when they need to talk or vent or bitch about stupid stuff. I know that I am going to be going to school for psychology and I am going to be a counselor some day. But what I also know is I will be getting paid to do that, right now I need to live my life and have me time to do the things that I want to do for ME.

One thing that I am doing for me is going back to school, that is a big thing for me. I need to go back to school and I am finally going to be doing that in a few months. I am really excited about that and I can't wait. That way I will have something to focus my time and I won't be bored, as I am all the time.

Another things that I am finally getting to do for myself is crochet a blanket, I have never made anything for myself, everything has been made for my friends and family. Not that I don't love doing it, I just needed a break from that and do something for me, that doesn't have a time frame and also that won't be criticized by anyone but me. I am happy with it so far and I hope that I can get it done before I start school.

I am tired of being the only person my friends call when they need something, or they need to bitch about stupid stuff. I know it is because I listen but when is it going to be my turn to call them and bitch about something and they ACTUALLY listen. I feel that this is just a ONE WAY street and I am going the wrong way. I need to make a U-turn and got back in the right direction. No more of this going backwards and letting people walk all over me. It is time for a new Amanda. An Amanda that doesn't take anything from anyone, and speaks what is on her mind, whether or not people like it. I'm tired of being the nice respectable one, that everyone can take advantage of. That is not going to happen anymore. I'm putting my foot down.


THE TIME HAS COME FOR A NEW AMANDA!

Damn Yankees

On Sunday, my aunt and I went with a friend of hers to see Damn Yankees. I have only seen two plays in my life, the first one was A Christmas Carol, about 3 years ago. I think that out of the two, Damn Yankees was the better one.

Now while talking to my aunt on the way home from the play she told me that there are a few things that make up a play, not just the actors and whether it was good or not. She told me there is set design, costumes, dancing, music/singing, the actors/actresses, and that storyline itself. I am going to tell you what I think of them individually.

First there is the set design, because that is the first thing you see when you sit down and get ready to watch the play. This set design was unlike any that I have seen, they had different parts hid behind others and things sliding into place. It was pretty amazing. Not like any high school play I saw being put together. The painting on these set pieces was pretty cool as well. The living room set looked like a living room, as did the locker room. The props went along with everything as well and in the living room they had a "pretend" television and it looked like the real thing. Also the way everything was designed made you really feel like you were back in the 1950's, truly incredible.

Next there is music/singing, the band that started before anyone came out was really talented. Some of the tunes they were playing I had heard before, so that was pretty cool. After the band played for a few minutes, a few of the characters came out to sing the National Anthem, we all stood and sang with them, that too was pretty neat. All the actors sang really well, with the exception of one of the guys that played Smokey, only because I think that he was the one guy that sang the soprano part in the song "We've Got Heart". It was just awkward for me, I mean that is how it was supposed to sound but coming from him, a little odd. Other than that everyone fit the character they were meant to play, and vocally they were great.

Now for the costumes, they really looked like there were out of the 1950's as well. The uniforms for the Senators really looked like something that the team would have worn back in the 50s. The men looked sharp, when dressed up and the women looked fancy all the time. Even the "bat girls" looked cute.

Aside from the music and singing, the dancing was just as good. Everything was choreographed just right, and all the dancers were fantastic. My favorite dancers were, the baseball players, the bat girls, and Lola. They danced with passion, and you could tell they were enjoying every minute of the dances.

The actors and actresses we wonderful, I did have my favorites. I loved Jeff Diebold, who played young Joe Hardy. I also liked Amy Dolan, who played Meg Boyd. They were the main characters that I liked. I also liked a few of the baseball players like, Mike Miserendino who played Henry and Jon Landvick who played Smokey. Other characters I liked was Applegate played by David Kovac, Gloria Thorpe played by Lucinda Johnston and last but not least Van Buren played by David Elliot.

Lastly, the storyline. I thought it was a great story about the underdogs of baseball who get a miracle that pulls them out of a slump. It was all put together fantastically. The parts were cast to the right people that fit the parts. Overall it was the better of the two plays that I have seen.

If you're looking for a good play/musical I strongly recommend Damn Yankees.

Changes

In the last three weeks there have been a few changes in my life. I have applied at William Rainy Harper Community College in Palatine, IL, I have also started walking more, not only out at the stores, but also here at the house on the treadmill. I have lost 3.5lbs this week, I have lost a total of 11.5lbs since moving to Illinois in August. It has been almost two months, and I feel great. I think that this is a good thing for me. I have set a goal, in a way, to lose between 20 and 30 lbs by the time I start school in January. I think it is an attainable goal, if i lose between 5 and 6 lbs a month, I should be able to reach that goal. I feel really good, even with the weight I have lost so far. I know that I have a lot more to lose, but I am getting there. I have been walking on the treadmill a quarter of a mile a day, just to get used to walking for any length of time. I want to be able to walk up to a mile on the treadmill in one go around. This, for me, is a move in the right direction.

Other than walking on the treadmill, I am looking forward to starting school in January. This past week I have gotten things in order to register for classes. On Tuesday my aunt and I went to Harper's open house, we attended three seminars; Business and Social Sciences, Accessing Accommodations and Services for Students with Disabilities, and Financing Your College Education. All three were wonderful seminars. I learned a lot, as well as got a lot of information, all of which I haven't gotten to get through yet. I am now just waiting for my mom to finish her part of my FAFSA and that will be ready to submit. I have submitted everything that I need to submit so far to the school. I have requested my ACT scores, transcripts from high school as well as my online classes, and also my IEP paperwork. I have to fax some medical releases this week to my GP doctor as well as my former Orthopedic doctor. Basically what I need that for is so I can get some type of disability services at the college. So far everything seems to be falling into place.

Also this week I got my voter's registration card in the mail. I am so so excited about that. My aunt was as well.

I really don't think there is anything else that I wanted to post about. So I guess that is all for now.

New

It has been a week since I moved from my brother's house. I am living with my Aunt now. Things are going well. I am going to be registering for college soon, I am kind of excited about that. It has been 4 years since I was in school, I think it is about time I change that. This change is a little hard for me, seeing as though I haven't had someone pushing me in the right direction before. It has always been "well if your not going to do it, fine I won't make you". I NEED to go to college, for many reason. One, to better my education. Two, to eventually get a good enough job to be able to NOT rely on SSI to pay my bills for the rest of my life. I think those are two good enough reasons to go back to school. I'm sure that there are others, but right now I cannot think of them.
I know this transition is going to be hard at times, but I also know that it will benefit me in the long run. So for those days that I feel like giving up I need to stop, regroup, and think about what good will come of all this. I think that it is there that I will find that no matter what I think is hard and I can't do, there is someone, somewhere, with something harder they are facing than whatever it is that I may think is too hard for that one moment. And then once I have done that I will then need to GET OVER IT!!!

ok...camping :(

We went camping this weekend. but i wouldn't really call it that. because we had a tornado warning and it was storming all weekend. so we decided to take the festivities inside. so i "camped" in a mobile home with 8 other ppl. the mobile home had one room, a over head loft like in an RV. and 4 of us slept in the living room i got the couch and everyone else slept on the floor. but now i think im getting sick from being wet from the rain. oh well.

Camping :/

Later today I am going to go camping for the first time. This should be fun. Ill post up and let you know how it went.

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog. This is where I hope to share my thoughts with anyone who will read them. I would love for some feedback. So if you feel like reading this and leaving some comments, feel free to.